The only thing you know

Estimated Studying Time — 7 minutes

He had promised himself to cease after the final time, however right here he’s with a small sq. of aluminum foil squeezed between his thumb and forefinger. The final journey was troublesome; he discovered the distinction between a nasty journey and a terror journey, and concluded that the previous was solely onerous to beat. Nonetheless, he favored the end result. He favored by no means actually understanding if he can be okay. That was why he was again.

The problem wasn’t sufficient to cease him.

The final time he took acid, he was alone. He felt superb till fifteen minutes earlier than his climax. Nervousness shot by way of him and he began to listen to issues again dwelling.

Footsteps, voices, home windows opening. He had reached for his cellphone to name considered one of his pals however he could not see. Every part was melting.

“I am on medicine,” however he could not persuade himself. “I am on medicine, that is not my actuality,” however he could not imagine it. There was a gunshot. The voices grew louder and he could not inform in the event that they have been in his head.

Rhythm, rhythm, rhythm. His personal footsteps assured him that there was another person. His actuality was not his. He felt indifferent. He wished to run. Immediately his physique felt sizzling and he began to take his garments off, however his head was caught in his shirt and he panicked extra, operating and bumping into his furnishings and screaming for somebody to seize him.

Extra rhythm, extra respiration, punctuated and erratic speech, giant pupils. He might see however his home was darkish. Lights poured by way of the door window, the deal with turned, panic ignited his veins and he felt his throat constrict and his eyes widen much more. He could not acknowledge his greatest good friend when she opened the door.

Thank goodness she got here when she did.

Afterwards, he stopped for 3 months. He grew to become extra productive, spent his cash on extra necessary issues, and needed to take care of the tic he developed because of the journey.
Now he is about to do one other one, and this time nobody is aware of.

It was eight o’clock. His home was lit with color-changing LEDs, smooth music was enjoying, and he was carrying garments contemporary out of the dryer. The ambiance was okay. The dosage can be right. He had a unique acid this time, from a unique take, however the good friend who obtained it swore it would not give him a nasty journey.

But when…

He fastidiously unfolded the tin sq.. There have been two tabs, one was cracked however the different was entire. Regular dose. He turned up the music, put the 2 tabs on his tongue and waited for them to dissolve.

He figured it was for solutions. Most individuals take ‘cid’ to achieve a greater understanding of themselves and the crossroads they’ve encountered. They might have the journey they wanted, not the one they wished, and they’d be advantageous. It was for him; he wanted to get to know himself higher. He knew the chance of this journey, as of any journey, and he accepted it.

What if…

The lights obtained brighter. It was his first clue. The second was the simultaneous feeling of weightlessness and heaviness; its physique was manufactured from sandbags however its inside was full of air. There was a twinge of vitality, further vitality. His physique wished to take off, however his enclosure held him nonetheless.

And that was his third clue – the urge to flee. He uncared for it. It wasn’t going to be a nasty journey. That is what he wanted to know himself.

Then he felt like his head was underneath water. Then the lights flashed and went out for a second and no extra. Then it was his coronary heart, he felt prefer it was beating too quick and he wanted to take a seat down, however just for a second or two or three or he thought his coronary heart would cease if he rested an excessive amount of a very long time. Then he took a breath.

“I am on medicine. That is what acid does. It is hallucinogenic. I agree.”

His head was mild, floating, indifferent.

“It is LSD.” Hovering. “I agree.” Descending. “It is a drug. My actuality is concrete. Binding. It was working.

He wanted this.

What if…

His rise was unimaginable. He understood himself on a deeper degree, as everybody else had on their travels. There have been some emotions of darkness, however he ignored it. The music soothed his anxiousness. Every part was advantageous.

However the darkness continued. From its outskirts, it noticed shadows. Tall and skinny and three-dimensional. Darkish circles flew in entrance of his tv. Shadows and shapes have been caught on the partitions like stickers. Some have moved, some haven’t. They obtained nearer till his imaginative and prescient disappeared. He felt water operating down his cheeks and thought he was crying. His pores and skin crawled. He began scratching.

He felt bugs crawling over his pores and skin, hundreds of them coming from his pores. They have been underneath his fingernails, in his shirt, his nostril and his mouth. It scratched vigorously however the bugs stored coming. Bugs upon bugs upon bugs on his pores and skin, in his pores and skin. Her nostril, her eyes, her ears, her mouth, each pore of her face and physique.

It was too sizzling. He began to undress. Nothing clung to his head and he was free to proceed scratching, clawing at his pores and skin, breaking a few of it off together with his fingernails. The bugs stored coming.

He did not see the particular person strategy him till his toes have been in his sight. He regarded up. It wasn’t an individual. Strong. Ridged edges, a slender physique and a featureless face. Shadow. The top had no particular form, going from one thing with horns to one thing with lengthy pointed ears to nothing in any respect. There have been clogs. A tail. He thought it was the satan.
“I’m God.” And the voice was not in human language however he understood it completely.

“I’m your God and you might be nothing to me.” And he felt extra liquid on his face, trapping the bugs that have been nonetheless sprouting from his pores, but it surely was thick and gradual. His imaginative and prescient began to fail and he realized his eyes have been melting and bugs have been popping out of his sockets. They have been in his head.

His respiration quickened. Shallow. He could not catch his breath and was nonetheless attempting to speak, to ask for assist.

“The one factor you realize is that you’re nothing.”

He tried to face however his steadiness went to shit. He tripped throughout his home, reducing himself on the nook of his desk as he tried to get into his kitchen. This being in his home was menacing. The bugs did not cease.

“Your god judges his creations as a result of he can not bear the load of his personal sin. You’re the pressure of your personal destruction and you might be weak. You might be nothing.”

His hand rested on his face. The bugs have been slowing down.

“You might be what you select to be and also you selected failure, it was your solely choice.” And the entity grew to become clear, twisted round him, and have become opaque. He took the type of a snake and squeezed his physique till he was certain his ribs had snapped, and he felt the lick on his ear.

“Your actuality doesn’t belong to you. You aren’t your self. You’ll die by your hand or mine.
He was extremely chilly.

“You too will probably be forgotten.

He fell, fell to the bottom and the shadows retreated.

Bugs had no. It was as if his pores and skin was on hearth. Nonetheless others have been spilling and crawling throughout him. Hundreds, hundreds of thousands of tiny little creatures, now pouring out of its partitions. Scratch, scratch, scratch. Kill the bugs, kill them and depart him alone. His imaginative and prescient was not his. He had no sights to see and he clung to something chilly to the contact; his physique was on hearth.

One thing cool, one thing slick, and no bugs on it but. It was too chilly for them; they wished his hearth. They wished his pores and skin and his blood and he would kill them earlier than they might burrow into his pores and skin like parasites. He rubbed the coolness on himself. Both means, the bugs stopped, they died. He felt alive and exhausted however his spirit was full and he needed to hold going to verify they have been all gone.

He wasn’t going to cease.

Daylight. Pure, heat daylight was gently streaming into her dwelling. He awoke with a headache, bare on his ground and surrounded by damaged glass. He was bleeding from the face, and his legs and arms have been all minimize. He realized he had been the sufferer of a housebreaking.
What else might it have been? In any other case, why would he be mendacity right here? He solely remembered the start of final night time, nothing extra.

Sitting down, he noticed that its partitions have been disfigured. Nothing, Cease and God have been scribbled on the partitions.

He checked out his legs and arms. Bugs had been etched into his flesh. His consideration shifted to his proper when he heard glass crack.

His God was there. Tall, skinny, unusually human-looking however misplaced, prefer it wasn’t actually human in spite of everything. Why wouldn’t it be? His God is a demon.

“Your nightmare is not going to finish.”

The weightlessness and heaviness returned, however with such pressure that he broke by way of the ceiling and sank into darkness and felt trapped underneath water, drowning in its ocean. His actuality is a material and his God unravels it thread by thread, excruciatingly slowly.

He obtained up and ran away from his nightmare home. The air and the skin have been launched. If he regarded again, he can be trapped within the arms of his God. He was certain he was going to die.
And but he regarded again. His home was a gap that was rising and screaming at him to return again, that he wanted to sleep and overlook, to be forgotten. He tripped. His God got here out of the vortex. Now he had nowhere to go.

He had a free discipline. He knew nobody would assist him; he did not even see one other particular person, however he knew they have been going to catch him. He knew they’d make him return and overlook. That is what he wanted to recollect.

His lungs have been deflated. His throat was on hearth. He was standing, then leaning ahead, then he fell, tumbled and rolled down the hill which he thought was flatter floor. Extra cuts, extra blood, extra ache. He was moist. Eyes open, actuality rippled, and he felt his physique was manufactured from sandbags.

Rapids. No air. He would drown within the waters that did. Nobody would swim them to determine his actions, however how would they? He was in hell.

The solar and the blue sky have been tinged with mild pink and pink. He understood it as blood. He realized that his head was exploding. He understood that he would die, all minimize up, and that might be probably the most uncommon suicide individuals would ever hear of.

Darkness obscured his eyes and he felt the bugs return. White circles floated above them and briefly he thought they have been eyes, however there have been no pupils. They have been abnormally white.

Then got here the voice.

“Your future was to die. That is what you wanted.

There was no mild, solely the water flowing. His God was right here. He knew he was completed at that second. There was a silence.

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